Should I Make My Teenager Go To Church?

One of the most common questions I field in my capacity as Youth Pastor comes from parents whose teenage children are resisting church involvement. “Where should I draw the battle lines? Should I make them come to church? What about youth group?” Granted, every situation is unique, and there is much that can be said on this topic, but I’d like to pass on some research from the National Study of Youth and Religion (NSYR - you can find them online at youthandreligion.org) that sheds some light upon the murkiness.

The overall findings of this monumental study suggest that the #1 indicator of faith quality in the life of a teenager is the faith quality of their parents. The NSYR research, as applied to the question of the teenage church involvement, seems to indicate that the best answer, in numerical order, to the above question is…
1. Parents and teenage children attend multigenerational religious services together.
2. Parents only attend religious services.
3. Teenage child only attends religious services (this may be a Sunday AM worship service, or some type of church youth group activity).

I wish I had found a study that says, “Make your kids come to all youth group functions and adore their youth pastor and you’ll get a great kid,” but that’s obviously not the case. Helping our children (or anyone, for that matter) become a disciple of Jesus just isn’t that simplistic. It has much more to do with our own walk with Christ than with theirs.

Here’s what I suggest: It’s worth battling over the Sunday AM worship attendance of your teenage son or daughter. I suggest making it a non-negotiable. If that’s not an option, the next best thing is not to force them into an alternate “Christian” environment, but to deepen your own pursuit of Christ. Youth group activities and the rest are best used as partners in your efforts to make disciples of your teenager (in which case, they can be very effective), rather than as a replacement. Your son or daughter will be more impressed by your faith, in the long run, than anything else. So, live in such a way that your kids catch you walking with Christ. You may even test the quality of your own faith by trying to “hide” your love for Jesus from them, and see if they can find it (parents of teens know that their kids are good at finding what’s not immediately apparent, except for the clothes they leave on their bedroom floor).

The overall goal is not to have a teenager that submits to your will, that appears good and moral, or one that is outwardly compelled to religious displays. The goal is to bring our children into an actual daily engagement with the claims, love, and person of Christ. That may or may not happen during their teen years, but we can significantly add to the foundation upon which they can eventually build during those years. Chances are, when it comes to your teenager’s faith, you will eventually “get what you are.” This is a sobering challenge to all of us who parent teens to deepen our own intimacy with Christ.